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Why work with an executive function coach?

The parents I meet usually have the same list of complaints about their teen. You tell me that your teen is...

 

  • impatient

  • impulsive

  • dishonest

  • easily distracted

  • unable to follow directions

  • easily frustrated; reactive when something doesn’t go their way

  • argumentative, defiant

  • avoiding difficult or boring tasks

  • unable to deal with setbacks or failure

  • lacking confidence

  • having difficulty maintaining positive relationships

  • spending too much time on media

  • procrastinating on homework or projects

  • losing important items routinely

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The truth is that all of these “bad habits” are symptoms of weak executive function, and all of them must be addressed at the root in order to create lasting change (this means learning how to respond to these symptoms instead of reacting to them).

What is Executive Function?

You can think of executive function as your brain's mission control center.  Basically, this part of your brain is in charge of getting stuff done, and it has three main functions: 

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SELF-CONTROL: Inhibiting impulses, regulating emotions, and delaying gratification in pursuit of a goal. Starting, stopping, and sustaining effort until completion.

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WORKING MEMORY: Imagining yourself in the future and using self-directed talk to track your progress and coach yourself toward a goal. â€‹

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MENTAL FLEXIBILITY: Being able to see and think about something from multiple perspectives; switching from one task to another; adapting and problem-solving.

 

Working together, our executive functions allow us to manage our thoughts, emotions and actions so that we can set and achieve important goals. 

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According to Dr. Russell Barkley, adolescents with ADHD have an "executive age" that is younger in development (by about three years) than the development of their same-aged peers.  This means they need very consistent, real-time guidance to practice and strengthen their emerging EF skills throughout their teens and into early adulthood.  Daily routines like hygiene, sleep, meals, chores and schoolwork all need varying levels of scaffolding as they work toward independence.​

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Parent like a coach.

The most important role model in your teen's life is you!  

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While your child's brain will continue to mature well into their late 20's, executive function skills will not magically appear with age! Without the right support, your teen will continue to act on their emotional impulses and get stuck repeating self-defeating habits. Not because they don’t care, not because they are willful or defiant, but because they need patient guidance everyday to practice and reinforce new skills.

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Many teens are resistant to interventions from parents or educators. But resistance is not a "bad" word!  In fact, coaches know that resistance is an exciting opportunity for exploration, empathy, and to create a "thinking partnership" for problem-solving.  We also know that with unconditional patience and gentle guidance, teens can de-escalate their own emotions, weigh the consequences of their choices, and start solving their own problems. These are the keys to collaboration and to helping develop your child’s self-esteem and self-regulation.

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If this seems daunting, don’t worry. I can walk you through it step-by-step, in plain English, and with a practical approach that helps you to focus your attention and energy on what matters - creating a high quality relationship with your teen and working together to apply new systems and strategies for building life-long EF skills. 

 

I have simplified my family coaching program to focus on three main areas:

 

COMMUNICATION:  Learn specific strategies for listening and speaking so that you can communicate with compassion, set loving limits, and help your child develop their "inner coach" voice (AKA self-directed talk). 

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PRACTICAL SYSTEMS:  Learn the tools and step-by-step systems that you will use everyday to create more functional routines and solve problems collaboratively.

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GROWTH MINDSET: Understand the stages of change, and help your teen develop a growth mindset, so they can feel confident in their ability to navigate any challenge.

 

These aren’t tips or tricks to get your teen to act a certain way.  These science-based solutions will provide the clarity and confidence you need to work better together, and finally disrupt the patterns that are keeping you stuck.

Are you ready?

For the most part, your brain works on autopilot;  95-99% of your feelings, thoughts, and habits are subconscious and reactive.  I call this mindless action.

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I work with parents who understand the importance of deep self-work.  They are ready to take responsibility and mindful action toward their goals.

My coaching program follows nine core principles, each based in our brain's executive functions.

 

#1 Stop and think

#2 Don't act on your emotions

#3 Don't wait until you feel like it

#4 Don't rely on your memory

#5 Go with the flow

#6 Create happy spaces

#7 Design your day

#8 Chase your fear

#9 Play, have fun!

It won't be easy,
but it will be worth it.

Change is a process.

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  • There are no shortcuts - we are playing the long game.

  • You will try and fail many times before you succeed.

  • Things may get more difficult before they get easier.

  • You will resist change and fall back into your old habits.

  • Your child will test your authority and test your patience.

  • All of this is part of the process of transformation.

  • This stuff really works if you work it!

 

If you’re still reading and still excited about working with me, then I am thrilled to hear from you.  Please fill out this application to let me know how I can be of service.  

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